I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
