Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I feel like abortions should bother me more
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
