I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
