Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
