how can u be prego again
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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