i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
