Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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