yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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