can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
