While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I cut my penus on the lid.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Your penis caused this!
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