But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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