and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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