Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
she told me i tasted like america
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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