Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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