It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
