I think I won the penis lottery.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
