you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
