I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
