**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
