hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
