glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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