You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
