I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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