went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
