My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
