just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
