i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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