Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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