having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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