I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
