Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
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