I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
