Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
