mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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