Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
