It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
