I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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