If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
