Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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