I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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