3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
i now understand why vodka
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
