Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize
