I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
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