dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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