i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
