he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
