Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
