fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
We left an ass print on the piano.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
