Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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