Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
