i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Randomize
