This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize
