i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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