at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
