Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Randomize
