Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
vagina is talking i cant
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
