We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
