Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
