Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
