I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
