DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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