Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
They took my balls.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
