So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
