yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
i now understand why vodka
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
