Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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