Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
