Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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